Breaking is Your Making.

I sat staring out at the magical valley looking south straight down the river Wye, watching the birds, and listening to the lambs calling to their mothers. As much as I loved this view, and the fresh air I breathed deeply into my lungs - I had a heartfelt longing to be somewhere else. I wanted to fly down the valley like a bird, into the world, I longed to be back in the hustle and bustle of, in my mind, ‘real’ life as this one didn’t feel real somehow. I literally was ‘living the dream’ and imagining what it would be like to be a migrating bird- flying free.

What it really was that I longed for was my independence, and to feel like ‘me’. When I wrote in a song of mine “waiting for you to hear me”, directed to my lover - I realised later that it was, in fact, me that needed to hear myself. I had been so focused on the outside world, and others’ needs, I forgot myself. And, in that moment, when I sat longing for a new life, I had no idea that in just a few short years, this longing and yearning I had, would be fulfilled, but not in any way I could have ever imagined.

For my freedom to be restored to me, I had to go through a journey, a journey which led me to question everything I knew, and understood about myself, it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. How did the universe teach me this? By showing me that the life I had built myself over the last 10 years was an illusion.

My dream life in the country came to a very traumatic ending when it became obvious to me that I was, in fact, in a highly emotionally abusive relationship. Never had I felt so low and severed from myself. The discard and ejection from this trauma bond were devastating.

We are watching illusions fall. We are seeing new, exciting solutions across Wales and the whole World. We are learning at an incredible rate about our world, the universe and what it means to be human. 

So, what was so incredible about this? you may ask. Even though this was one of the most traumatic events I have been through, and it’s been a difficult road to get where I am today, I wouldn’t change it for anything. And this is because - I learnt what was real. I learnt what was important- really important to me. I learnt who true friends were. I had to question what was truly valuable. I saw the incredible man my son had become, when he and all his friends stepped up to support me with a maturity and strength which was beyond their years. I was, and still am, forever grateful that I escaped that dream, which had become a personal nightmare.

Living in the beautiful Welsh open countryside I had never felt so trapped. My whole life was the opposite of what I wanted or thought it was. The new trajectory I had longed for came true, and I am still learning more to this very day about myself and how I can be my best self. I am a work in progress. I am learning about what shaped me in the past, leading to this situation. I’m learning to recognise my own insecurities, and I am healing myself. I am learning to feel safe in my body, trust myself, respond rather than react. I see now, with clarity and less confusion.

A few years, two house moves and a several covid lockdowns, later, I now live in Cardiff - right in the Hustle and Bustle! And I love it! I have my life back and what I wanted. My son has grown more, is blossoming every day, passionate about his own learning, and I watch with eternal gratitude to witness this and have him in my life. My career has taken me into media and now I have my own slot on Radio Cardiff- and I am writing this now in BE.Xellence! Since moving to the Diff, I have met the most incredible people, and I get to talk about this on my show. I get to have incredible conversations. I am so excited to do this, and to be part of the positive changes and solutions we all need right now.

This breaking was my making. This is why I am so positive that what we are seeing right now on a wider scale across the world, is another breaking which will be our making. We are seeing old, tired systems breaking and crumbling before our eyes. We are watching illusions fall. We are seeing new, exciting solutions all over this city, and across Wales and the whole World. We are learning at an incredible rate about our world, the universe and what it means to be human. We are hearing new voices, seeing new faces, and listening to different perspectives.

We are witnessing across all sectors, conversations about the future, sustainability - how we can all be part of building the world we want to see. This tough time, both politically and economically is the beginning. We are living right now through; an end!!! So, what are we going to learn on this journey? I suspect we are going to see and learn both the best and the worst of human behaviour. Just as I have during my own personal journey. Right now, I see and meet so many beautiful people, working so hard to make things better. Right now, we see new movements across the world to restore balance, justice, fairer societies, and restore our connections.

When we all connect with our true selves, we can feel more connection with others and the natural world around us. When we hear our true selves, understand ourselves better, we can listen and understand others better. We begin to understand there is no separation and we are all connected. Everything is connected. We live, breathe, feel. If you are going through an end right now - take a breath, a beat, a moment and realise it is just a beginning.

A Breaking is your Making.

"If you are going through an end right now - take a breath, a beat, a moment and realise it is just a beginning". 

Jessie Grace is a Musician, Activist and Radio Presenter based in Cardiff. Her Show is aired on Wednesdays 1.30 - 300pm on Radio Cardiff 98.7fm She covers many issues around Healing, Sustainability, Positive Futures, and work in the local community.

Get in touch with her here:

@jessie_grace_music on Instagram